What An End

Sejak saat itu, rasanya mau percaya lagi sama orang, udah ga bisa.

Untuk orang yang bahkan setiap harinya selalu sama aku aja masih punya celah sebesar itu buat bikin aku kecewa, buat nyakitin aku tanpa ada perasaan bersalah, gimana orang lain?

Gimana caranya aku bisa percaya?

Aku bahkan menghabiskan beberapa bulan penuh buat introspeksi.

Aku salah di sebelah mana ya sampe diperlakuin seperti itu?

Aku kurang apa ya?

Aku harusnya bersikap seperti apa ya biar jadi orang yang sesuai?

Ternyata ya mungkin bukan karena itu, karena ya, memang bukan dia aja orangnya.

Karena ya, memang dia bajingan aja.

I tried to remember what happened after that.

Last year.

Ternyata ada banyak hal yang kejadian dan setelah dipikir-pikir sekarang, ternyata berat juga.

Keren lho, kamu, Mei, masih bisa bertahan sampe hari ini.

<3

Let me recount it all. To remember that you were happen to be this strong.

1. I watched Record of Youth. There was Park Bo gum there.
2. I read many e-books. The best one is The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down by Haemin Sunim. (I'll post some parts that I like most later on)
3. Oct 7, 2020 aku lari subuh-subuh, karena pikiranku ga tenang. Kelar lari, mandi, trs tidur nyenyak.
4. I started to stan BTS! Tapi belum berani buat claiming diri sebagai army, karena cuma enjoy lagu-lagunya aja, not trying to know more about the OT7. But, I love them all, anyway!
5. I watched their online concert (Map of The Soul ON:E) and it was my very first online concert since pandemic happened. I was just thinking why it was happened to be a kpop concert.
6. I watched their BTS in the soop<3 I loooooove them all, there. Jimin is so lovely and such a pure child.
7. BALI.
8. And the last for 2020 was I happened to know Kim Seon ho by Start Up. I started to binge watching his variety show known as 2 Days 1 Night and I was happy ever since!
9. The first quartals of 2021 dihabiskan dengan overthinking karena jerawat (berikut bekas-bekasnya) entah kenapa gamau hilang, terlebih di pipi sebelah kanan. Sakit hati banget rasanya tiap liat kaca. Tapi hari di akhir tahun ini, I don't know how to explain this. Tapi hampir sebagian besarnya sekarang sudah pudar, bahkan muncul pun juga jarang-jarang. Alhamdulillah..
10. Bunbun came into my life (even it was just happen in a blink of an eye).
11. I watched She Would Never Know because of Ro woon SF9.
12. Staycation in Bandung and Sai Ramen was goooood<3
13. Pertama kalinya tau kalo aku bisa punya alergi dan gara-gara kepiting, tahta seafood tertinggi di dalam hidup.
14. Watched Run! BTS and it was quite fun, until some things happened after that.
15. BALI. For my birthday treat.
16. Watched My Roommate is A Gumiho and happened to know that Jang Ki yong was that stunning. I can't.
17. Mulai kursus bahasa korea dengan alasan agar supaya bisa nonton drama korea tanpa perlu pake subtitle.
18. 2nd online concert! And it was BTS again hahahaha. BTS 2021 Muster Sowoozo. JK was a bomb in that day.
19. I applied for army membership in weverse and not longer after that, I happened to stan NCT. What a joke. My life was really such a joke.
20. It will take some time to explain this things, so I will tell it more later. But, I am proudly claimed that I am an nctzen. And because of that, I am soooooo happy!

Meskipun kadang rasanya brought some bad vibes everytime I looked back, tapi di saat-saat seperti ini hal-hal semacam itu justru membantu untuk sadar kalo ever since that day, I do things better.

Aku rasa hal-hal di atas, termasuk postingan sebelum ini cukup menjawab semua pertanyaan yang ada di Seq. 1 - What?, kecuali What do I want to do? Karena khusus pertanyaan ini, aku sendiri pun masih belum punya jawabannya, sampe detik ini.